Use Verbs.
People choose. Cars move. Horses eat. Believers pray. Truckers drive. Politicians argue. Farmers plant. Teachers teach.
Good writers know this. Action verbs hold their sentences. This simple principle brings more help to beginners than any other.
Let’s begin with just a little grammar. Don’t worry. It is simple. I know grammar and sentence diagrams can confuse. I even worry the study of grammar leads to confusion in some because when students study grammar, they often learn a wide variety of new terms, but many students later forget those terms, and those who remember may come to believe that each term sits with equal importance to the others. A beginner may think knowing the terms is the same as writing well.
Early improvement requires you know only two simple grammatical concepts – and maybe a third: At the heart of each sentence lies two parts – first is the thing doing the acting. This is the subject or the noun. Then follows the action – the verb. The third portion can be the receiver of the action. Call it the object.
A noun: Cars. A verb: move. An object: people. Cars move people.
That’s it. The first essence of good writing is: Pick a noun and follow it by an action verb – and an object, if needed.
Think of it with three letters:
S-V-O. Subject, followed by Verb, followed by Object.
So, rather than saying “I am a teacher,” say “I teach.” Rather than saying, “The dog was walked by John,” say “John walked the dog.”
Verbs constitute the central point of all sentences. So pick simple action verbs over other types of verbs. Omit excess adjectives and adverbs when possible.
This principle provides a tool for writers to become more clear. Focus on verbs as you write. Something about picking an action verb helps a writer become more clear.
Consider this simple sentence:
This is a good paper.
- This sentence seems fine, but watch what happens with action verbs, written three different ways:
This paper moved me.
This paper illustrated how to kill a bear.
This paper eliminated confusion.
When you pick action verbs, you become more clear by default. You avoid judgments that confuse. Is a paper that illustrates how to kill a bear a good? Say what the paper does rather than pass judgment that its good. Your writing improves.
Lazy writers lean on adjectives too – more on them in a later chapter – and adverbs. As in:
It was a great day.
Or:
I really liked the performance.
Really and great lie there doing nothing.
When you omit the adverbs and adjectives, adding better verbs, notice how clarity and power grow. For example,
The day shined.
The day burst.
The day opened.
The performance sparkled.
The performance moved me.
The performance rewarded the audience.
Beginners sometimes consult a thesaurus looking for the best word, but rather than returning with a clear verb, they stumble back with funky adjectives, like this:
The mendacious host.
The torrid pace.
The surreptitious snake.
The flaccid politician.
The flagrant foul.
Adjectives can sometimes enliven writing, to be sure, but when a writer focuses on action through a clear verb, something like magic often follows. Vague, showy adjectives become overkill, and the story improves as we omit them:
The host swiped $300 from the pockets of four guests.
Seven men left the game with cramps.
The snake jumped from a cypress tree onto the girl’s head.
The politician said “umm” 47 times in 14 sentences.
The forward swung his elbow at the point guard,
leaving a welt on a forehead.
These verbs convey the meaning each adjective provided in the first examples but with more clarity. The need for adjectives disappeared.
Adverbs signal you neglected to pick the right verb, making them worse than adjectives. They hinder clear meaning.
(Hey! I almost made that mistake in my own sentence. I first wrote: Adverbs merely show you neglected to pick the right verb … merely is an adverb … so I should omit it. Signal is much better than merely show … don’t you think? Just trust your verbs. Back to the example.)
Someone might write with adverbs like this:
The man walked slowly.
The woman acted kindly.
The stranger glanced maliciously.
The right verb eliminates adverbs:
The man crawled.
The woman dabbed a baby’s cheek.
The stranger glared.
So, remember. Action verbs do things. They make meaning clear. They force you to say what you mean to say. Pick verbs before picking anything else.
Maybe an example from religion and scripture might prove useful in understanding this principle. Ponder the life of a believer. God invites each witness to pray, to believe, to repent, to submit, to search, to serve, to listen, to cry, to come, to obey, to keep, to observe, to seek, to feel, and to love. Believers in God DO things, just as He does. Religion, like life, remains more than just being. Religion, like life, centers on action verbs not adjectives or adverbs. We act when we become disciples. Good verbs resonate with our souls and mirror our lives. That’s why they work!
(Hey! I almost made another goof. I first wrote this: “I suppose this is why we respond to a good verb.” Not bad, but … Isn’t it better to say: “Good verbs resonate?”)
The translators of the King James Bible understood the force of a good verb. Scan this remarkable chapter from Job. Each action verb sits highlighted in bold. The point this chapter makes should jump from the page. Actions verbs drive emotion and doctrine home:
Then Job answered and said,
How long will ye vex my soul, and break me in pieces with words?
These ten times have ye reproached me: ye are not ashamed that ye make yourselves strange to me.
And be it indeed that I have erred, mine error remaineth with myself.
If indeed ye will magnify yourselves against me, and plead against me my reproach:
Know now that God hath overthrown me, and hath compassed me with his net.
Behold, I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard: I cry aloud, but there is no ajudgment.
He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths.
He hath stripped me of my glory, and taken the crown from my head.
He hath destroyed me on every side, and I am gone: and mine hope hath he removed like a tree.
He hath also kindled his wrath against me, and he counteth me unto him as one of his enemies.
His troops come together, and raise up their way against me, and encamp round about my tabernacle.
He hath put my brethren far from me, and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me.
My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me.
They that dwell in mine house, and my maids, count me for a stranger: I am an alien in their sight.
I called my servant, and he gave me no answer; I entreated him with my mouth.
My breath is strange to my wife, though I entreated for the children’s sake of mine own body.
Yea, young children despised me; I arose, and they spake against me.
All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.
My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth.
Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends; for the hand of God hath touched me.
Why do ye persecute me as God, and are not satisfied with my flesh?
Oh that my words were now written! oh that they were printed in a book!
That they were graven with an iron pen and lead in the rock for ever!
For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:
And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God:
Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.
But ye should say, Why persecute we him, seeing the root of the matter is found in me?
Be ye afraid of the sword: for wrath bringeth the punishments of the sword, that ye may know there is a judgment.13
More than 40 verbs dot this poetry. The translators picked words with power: abhor, cleave, plead, magnify, remain, kindle, entreat, and despise. The result became a treasure of feeling and faith and scripture. Many weep when they read it.
Similarly, consider Lane DeGregory’s Pulitizer-Prize-winning article about the adoption of a neglected child, Danielle. As a couple moves toward adoption of this struggling child, DeGregory describes an early meeting and its aftermath. I mark the action verbs she uses:
When they met Danielle at her school, she was drooling. Her tongue hung from her mouth. Her head, which seemed too big for her thin neck, lolled side to side.
She looked at them for an instant, then loped away across the special ed classroom. She rolled onto her back, rocked for a while, then batted at her toes. Diane walked over and spoke to her softly. Danielle didn’t seem to notice. But when Bernie bent down, Danielle turned toward him and her eyes seemed to focus.
He held out his hand. She let him pull her to her feet. Danielle’s teacher, Kevin O’Keefe, was amazed; he hadn’t seen her warm up to anyone so quickly.
Bernie led Danielle to the playground, she pulling sideways and prancing on her tiptoes. She squinted in the sunlight but let him push her gently on the swing. When it was time for them to part, Bernie swore he saw Danielle wave.
That night, he had a dream. Two giant hands slid through his bedroom ceiling, the fingers laced together. Danielle was swinging on those hands, her dark eyes wide, thin arms reaching for him.14
We ought to use our vocabulary when we write. When was the last time you used verbs like these: Abhor, plead, kindle, despise, loll, prance, squint, bat, lace, persecute, dwell or magnify? You understand their meaning. You should use them instead of cliché verbs like get or have. Writing with action verbs invites you to use your vocabulary on excellent, clear verbs.
Let’s talk more specifically about how.
Few succeed on a first draft. Learning to rewrite makes writing succeed. So, after you draft a passage, wait a while and then examine it. Some say read the work aloud. Other suggest reading sentences one at a time from last to first. Still others say that converting the font of a paper to a script or novelty font helps in editing. These are all good ideas, but are more useful for finding errors in grammar or punctuation.
As you look at the sentences you craft, go back and look for “yellow-flag words.” “Yellow-flag words” signify a need to rewrite, to find a better word. All such words work at times – meaning there is no need to remove each one. However, I call them “yellow-flag words” because each suggests caution, a strong opportunity to rewrite. Let each flag you find signal a chance to re-think and re-craft a sentence.
Flag #1: Look for to-be verbs. To-be verbs show existence. Eight occur: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been. These words work at times, but when you search for them, you find you can often omit them and then rewrite a passage without them to a positive effect.
For example, sometimes a to-be verb sits in the middle of the sentence acting as the verb itself. When that happens, swap out the to-be verb with an action verb. For example:
Jonathan was a terrible singer.
There were 47 shoppers in the storm.15
He is the son of a sharecropper.
Replace them with something like this, while noting how action verbs also improve sentence clarity:
Jonathan sang off-key.
Forty-seven shoppers waited for the storm to stop.
His father started life as a sharecropper.
Or …
His father grew up poor.
Sometimes, to-be verbs help action verbs. That’s why some publishers call them helping verbs. When you see these to-be verbs with an action verb, some rewriting and reordering often helps. For example:
I am going to the store.
I was trying to run away.
I visit the store.
I try to run away.
Another way these to-be verbs emerge comes through one of the classics of dense writing: passive voice. Passive voice reverses the order of the object and subject of a sentence. The object comes first in these dense sentences. Rather than:
“Bill (the subject) walked the dog (the object).”
It becomes:
“The dog (object) was (notice the to-be verb) walked by Bill (the subject).
Passive voice hinders understanding and increases sentence length.
(Hey! Just so you know. I wrote this sentence this way first: “Passive voice is more difficult to understand and is longer.” Notice how I changed to action verbs, improving my meaning … Passive voice hinders and increases … Cool, huh!)
To be sure, passive voice works sometimes when you do not know the subject of the sentence or when a tone of respect demands it, but most passive voice clutters writing. Notice too that when you write with passive voice, the sentence often includes the word “by” immediately following the verb — though not always. Here are some examples of passive voice:
John was hit by a ball.
The leaders of the country were moved by public opinion.
The planners were offended by the comments of a few people.
Notice how much cleaner the sentence becomes when active voice replaces passive:
The ball hit John.
Public opinion swayed the politicians.
A few comments offended the planners.
When a writer looks for to-be verbs and rewrites to omit them, he or she finds ways to cut fluff. Simple writing stays with an action verb and avoids passive voice.
Flag 2: Look for verbs masquerading as nouns. Some words end in ence, ity or, especially, tion. These words evolved from verbs into nouns. Reverse the process, and writing becomes more clear and brief. For example:
We received an introduction from the man.
The man introduced us.
The man’s suggestion was to visit the store.
The man suggested we visit the store.
The implication was we ran a grocery store.
The evidence implied we ran a grocery story.
The bishop delivered a powerful invocation.
The bishop invoked the blessings of God on the ward.
The announcement said we should leave the building.
The principal announced that everyone should exit.
The arrangement was to meet.
The leader arranged a meeting.
I make an exception for gerunds – those nouns that used to be verbs and end in “ing.”
(Oops. Did you catch my mistaken example? …. I should have written it this way: I exempt gerunds, verbs that act as nouns and end in “ing.”)
Flag #3: Watch for nouns masquerading as verbs. Some verbs occur from nouns that become verbs, as when a noun ends in “ize.” Memorize. Cauterize. Specialize. Replace these words. For example:
The man utilized a hammer.
The man used a hammer.
The students memorized the story.
The students remembered the story.
The student learned the story.
The student committed the story to memory.
The teacher specialized in research.
The teacher focused on research.
Watch for these verbs because removing them can clarify prose.
Flag 4: Watch for the word not. People prefer knowing the action rather than its opposite. So, watch for not or contractions like “n’t.” Omit them. It seems people struggle to know what “not” looks like in their minds. Readers, listeners and people prefer the concrete. So, pick something they can see.
Let the following short story illustrate why “not” fails:
“A high school quarterback drove with his blonde girlfriend to a mountain overlook, up at 9,300 feet high near a shrinking snow field near a patch of new yellow daisies. They wandered into the flowers, and he knelt down, picked one, arose and placed it gently behind her right ear. As a June wind brushed her hair over her face and as the sunset lowered toward pink near the horizon, he took her left hand, stroked his left thumb near the line of her chin, stared into her blue eyes and said what his heart longed, “I don’t hate you.”
No wise man would say such a thing. No writer should either. Just as “don’t hate” fails to replace “love,” so most words containing “not” fail too. When you say “doesn’t interest me,” do you mean “bores me” or “excites me?” Both options might come from “not interested.” The word “not” leads to misunderstanding and confusion in romance and in life. So avoid it where possible. For example:
He didn’t go.
He stayed.
He didn’t succeed.
He failed.
He cannot run.
He walks.
If you choose to use “not,” often follow it with an opposite. Like this:
“He doesn’t just sing. He dances.”
Let’s put these four flags into practice and rewrite a longer piece. Let us imagine you are a communication major, and let’s imagine your roommate asked you to edit an announcement she wrote for the university’s Performance Department. Here is the draft announcement. See how many “yellow-flag words” you can find. As you read it, notice how slow and jumpy this first draft feels:
All of the public is invited to attend a wonderful recital of the renowned pianist Artemis Aledezdian. The performance will be Tuesday night at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
“We are excited to announce this important visit,” is the word from University Relations Director Trajan Jones. “Artemis Aledezdian is a representative of all that is best in art today. You probably don’t want to miss this event. ”
Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will be a highlight of the evening. The concert is also an opportunity to hear a showcase of the talents of new American composer Trina McPherson. Her new work, “Drifting Snowfall,” will be highlighted in the first half of the program. This work is a continuation of her “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.
“I am a fan of Trina McPherson,” Aledezdian commented. “The way she stylizes piano music makes for an amazing musical experience.”
Aledezdian’s work is hailed by critics for its authenticity and strength. “This performer’s creativity and energetic style is exciting. I think this performer is in a situation that can be envied by others in the business,” New York Tribune critic Mary Dickinson said.
The tickets for the concert can be purchased for $10 at the ticket office. Those who attend are encouraged to dress in concert clothing, meaning a shirt-and-tie for men and a skirt or dress for women.
Let’s see where the yellow flags were in the piece. We mark them in bold, like this:
All of the public is invited to attend a wonderful recital of the renowned pianist Artemis Aledezdian. The performance will be Tuesday night at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
“We are excited to announce this important visit,” is the word from University Relations Director Trajan Jones. “Artemis Aledezdian is a representative of all that is best in art today. You probably don’t want to miss this event.”
Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will be a highlight of the evening. The concert is also an opportunity to hear a showcase of the talents of new American composer Trina McPherson. Her new work, “Drifting Snowfall,” will be highlighted in the first half of the program. This work is a continuation of her “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.
“I am a fan of Trina McPherson,” Aledezdian commented. “The way she stylizes piano music makes for an amazing musical experience.”
Aledezdian’s work is hailed by critics for its authenticity and strength. “This performer’s creativity and energetic style is exciting. I think this performer is in a situation that can be envied by others in the business,” New York Tribune critic Mary Jones said.
The tickets for the concert can be purchased for $10 at the ticket office. Those who attend are encouraged to dress in concert clothing, meaning a shirt-and-tie for men and a skirt or dress for women.
Now, let us examine each sentence in turn. My commentary on the error and how to fix is included with each sentence. I will change the quotations too. For what it is worth, you can never justify changing real-world quotations. A quote means: “This is what they said.” But here, we do so for to make a point. But I want to say, just because I change it, doesn’t mean you can .…. Avoid getting any crazy ideas! Study each sentence rewritten with action verbs:
All of the public is invited to attend a wonderful recital of the renowned pianist Artemis Aledezdian.
This sentence is in passive voice. Who is inviting? The university. Make the university the subject of the sentence. Combine two sentences, like this:
The University invites residents to a recital of renowned pianist Artemis Aledezdian Tuesday at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
The performance will be Tuesday night at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
We already used this sentence in our first example, but if we kept it as a separate sentence, do so like this:
The performance begins Tuesday at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
“We are excited to announce this important visit,” is the word from University Relations Director Trajan Jones. “Artemis Aledezdian is a representative of all that is best in art today. You probably don’t want to miss this event.”
Two verbs sort of conflict: announce and excite. Announce seems implied, so omit it here. This paragraph includes samples of passive voice and the word not as well. Change them, like this:
“This visit excites us,” University Relations Director Trajan Jones said. “Artemis Aledezdian represents all the best in art today. You probably want to attend this event.” (Or better … “Artemis Aledezdian represents the best in art today. You should attend this event.”)
Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will be a highlight of the evening. The concert is also an opportunity to hear a showcase of the talents of new American composer Trina McPherson. Her new work, “Drifting Snowfall,” will be highlighted in the first half of the program. This work is a continuation of her “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.
This paragraph includes missing action verbs. Notice the use of continuation – a verb masquerading as a noun. Change it, like this:
Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will highlight and conclude the evening. The concert will also showcase the talents of American composer Trina McPherson. The first half of the concert will feature a new work, “Drifting Snowfall.” This work continues McPherson’s “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.
(Or alternately: Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will highlight the evening. The first half of the program will showcase the talents of American composer Trina McPherson. Aledezdian will perform her new work, “Drifting Snowfall,” which continues McPherson’s “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.)
“I am a fan of Trina McPherson,” Aledezdian commented. “The way she stylizes piano music makes for an amazing musical experience.”
This quotation includes a to-be verb and makes a verb out of a noun with ize. Use said. Consider what fans do as you look to find a verb to replace “am a fan.” Change the sentences, like this:
“I admire Trina McPherson,” Aledezdian said. “The style of her music makes for an amazing musical experience.”
(Or alternately, probably better: “Her musical style amazes audiences around the country.”)
Aledezdian’s work is hailed by critics for its authenticity and strength. “This performer’s creativity and energetic style is exciting. I think this performer is in a situation that can be envied by others in the business,” New York Tribune critic Mary Jones said.
This paragraph includes examples of “ity” and is and “tion” and be. Rework the passage, like this:
Critics hail Aledezdian for his authentic strength. “This man’s style creates energy and excites audiences. Aledezdian situates his career in a way others likely envy,” New York Tribune critic Mary Jones said.
The tickets for the concert can be purchased for $10 at the ticket office. Those who attend are encouraged to dress in concert clothing, meaning a shirt-and-tie for men and a skirt or dress for women.
Classic passive voice emerged here. Reverse the order and rewrite with out be or are, like this:
Tickets cost $10 at the ticket office. University officials encourage guests to wear concert attire, a shirt-and-tie for men and a skirt or dress for women.
Next, we post the final version without break. Notice how much more clear and simple the writing seems as you read it this time:
The University invites residents to a recital of renowned pianist Artemis Aledezdian Tuesday at 7 p.m. in the Quarkum Auditorium.
“This visit excites us,” University Relations Director Trajan Jones said. “Artemis Aledezdian represents the best in art today. You should attend this event.”
Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Sonata will conclude the evening. The first half of the program will showcase the talents of American composer Trina McPherson. Aledezdian will perform her new work, “Drifting Snowfall,” which continues McPherson’s “Seasons” cycle of piano sonatas.
“I admire Trina McPherson,” Aledezdian said. “Her musical style amazes audiences around the country.”
Critics hail Aledezdian for his authentic strength. “This man’s style creates energy and excites audiences. Aledezdian situates his career in a way others likely envy,” New York Tribune critic Mary Jones said.
Tickets cost $10 at the ticket office. University officials encourage guests to wear concert attire, a shirt-and-tie for men and a skirt or dress for women.
You can do this. When you write with action verbs first, your writing grows more clear and your efforts become concise. This principle protects writing more than any other. If you would serve with writing, use verbs.