Use parallelism.
I first visited the Lincoln Memorial in Washington when just before my 16th birthday. I love Lincoln, and the great statue and memorial awed me. On the south wall, the famous Gettysburg Address sits, word-for-word. I knew that address from 8th grade. On the north wall, the Second Inaugural Address sits. This encounter marked my first knowledge of this great address. Something about its rhythm and tender thought spoke to my young soul. I consider that moment key in my development as a writer. I failed to understand then that central to Lincoln’s success as a writer sat his use of parallelism.
We might wish to serve with my writing, and Lincoln can teach us how. Here is how: Writing that serves teaches readers. Writing that serves makes things clear and simple. Writing that serves moves an audience. Something about parallelism accomplishes these primary tasks. Parallelism seems a magic elixir paying great dividends to writers who attend to it. Lincoln used parallelism to great effect. Let’s take some time explaining parallelism, and let’s start with Lincoln’s conclusion in his 2nd inaugural address:
“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”23
This sentence contains rhythm centered on items in a series. This sentence has three series…
Here is the first one:
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, …
Notice how these all start with “with” and are then followed by a noun. These comprise a series of introductory phrases.
Here is the second one:
… to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all …
Notice how these all start with to, followed by a verb. These comprise a series of infinitives. (You might say this item also has a smaller series within too … for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and orphan …)
Here is the third one:
… which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
Notice how these two start with prepositions. These comprise a small series of prepositional phrases.
Parallelism looks at underlying structure in a sentence, paragraph or larger piece. It provides a similar structure for items that go together. Simply, items in a series should contain the same structure, often repeating words.
Imagine if Lincoln neglected parallelism:
“With malice toward none, charity for all, and firmly believing we are right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, while binding up the nation’s wounds, caring for him who shall have borne the battle and his widows with a peace among ourselves and all nations too.”
When you read failed parallelism like this slap at Lincoln, the lack of parallelism makes the writing feel muddled and confusing. Parallelism forces you to find underlying structure and to make that structure the same throughout a passage or document.
Parallelism clarifies. Parallelism moves. Parallelism strengthens.
(Did you see those last three sentences? They comprise an example of effective parallelism. Tricky, aren’t I?)
Underlying structure, parallelism, emerges in one sentence when you have two or more items in a row, usually separated with commas. Underlying structure, parallelism, emerges in a series of sentences within a paragraph or passage. Underlying structure, parallelism, emerges in a longer structure such as the first sentence of several paragraphs or as highlighted points in a talk or essay.
(You see the parallelism among these three sentences too, I hope. … Underlying structure emerges … began each sentence.)
Take a look in detail at this simple pair of sentences:
The racer was defeated in the Rio Olympics for three reasons. She had a poor start, there was an allegation of illegal cleats and a strong headwind hindered her.
The faulty parallelism comes in the second sentence because the series lies there. Notice the verbs: she had; there was; and a headwind hindered. I chose three different types of verbs – a to-be verb, a had verb and an action verb. I failed at parallelism becausethe verb types differ.
So, change the sentence, as follows:
I might pick “had” as a way to organize these three points:
She had a poor start, she had an allegation of illegal cleats, and she had a strong headwind.
I might pick “there was” as a way to organize these three points:
There was a poor start, there was an allegation of illegal cleats, and there was a strong headwind.
Because writers prefer action verbs, I would choose action verbs to organize my series here, rather than the first two examples:
She started poorly, she faced an allegation of illegal cleats, and she met a strong headwind.
Now, you might be tempted to say:
She started poorly, she faced an allegation and a strong headwind hindered her.
This structure contains three action verbs but it fails because the first two items in the series start with she, while the last one does not.
Other solutions might work too:
She failed to overcome a poor start, an allegation of illegal cleats and a strong headwind.
This approach avoids verbs all together in the parallelism and, instead, uses nouns.
Or this, three action verbs following three differing nouns:
She started poorly, an allegation of illegal cleats disrupted her thoughts and a strong headwind hindered her.
I would take this edit one step further. I would tighten the first sentence because it contains passive voice. I also combine the two sentences into one sentence:
The racer lost at the Rio Olympics because of a poor start, an allegation of illegal cleats and a strong headwind.
(Did you notice my parallelism stumble here in the previous paragraph? Three verbs sit in this paragraph before the example in italics: I would take …. I would tighten … I combine. Oops. I should say, “I would combine.” Nice work for paying attention.)
Few places illustrate the power of parallelism better than Shakespeare. In the play Julius Caesar, the conspirators murder Julius Caesar. One, Brutus, delivers a speech justifying their actions to the Romans at the Roman forum. Note the powerful parallelism that makes Brutus persuasive. I highlight examples:
Be patient till the last.
Romans, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my
cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me
for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that
you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and
awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
Caesar’s, to him I say, that Brutus’ love to Caesar
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Brutus rose against Caesar, this is my answer:
–Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved
Rome more. Had you rather Caesar were living and
die all slaves, than that Caesar were dead, to live
all free men? As Caesar loved me, I weep for him;
as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was
valiant, I honour him: but, as he was ambitious, I
slew him. There is tears for his love; joy for his
fortune; honour for his valour; and death for his
ambition. Who is here so base that would be a
bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a Roman? If
any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not love his country? If any, speak;
for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.24
Parallelism often manifests itself in a series of sentences not just within a sentence. Sometimes sequential sentences contain a repetitive quality through parallelism. Embrace those opportunities. Pulitzer-Prize-winning feature writer Jacqui Banacszynski demonstrates parallelism in the end of her essay on the value of storytelling. She tells us why we should write stories. I highlight examples of her use of parallelism:
Stories are our prayers. Write and edit them with due reverence, even when the stories themselves are irreverent. Stories are parables. Write and edit and tell yours with meaning, so each tale stands in for a larger message, each story a guidepost on our collective journey. Stories are history. Write and edit and tell yours with accuracy and understanding and context and with unwavering devotion to the truth.
Stories are music. Write and edit and tell yours with pace and rhythm and flow. Throw in the dips and twirls that make them exciting, but stay true to the core beat. Readers hear stories with their inner ear. Stories are our soul. Write and edit and tell yours with your whole selves. Tell them as if they are all that matters. It matters that you do it as if that’s all there is.25
Amen to that sentiment.
Parallelism occurs at a higher level too. I once delivered an address on repentance. I ordered my thoughts and observed six points I wished to make. They went something like this:
Observation 1: Repentance is central to the gospel.
Observation 2: We should learn more about the meaning of repentance.
Observation 3: People can use repentance for more things than they often do.
Observation 4: Repentance can often bring forth other blessings besides remission of sin.
Observation 5: The Book of Mormon provides patterns that will help us repent.
Observation 6: We might more humbly recognize that repentance is a doctrine of great joy.
Now, these sentences occurred far apart from one another in my talk. Few listeners might have noticed the lack of parallelism among them. I hesitated to make these points parallel. I wished to avoid the effort, frankly. Then, I repented. I remembered clarity and tone flow from parallelism.
Can you see the problems with my parallelism in this list? The verbs differ. One relies on “is.” One relies on “might.” One relies on an action verb. A pair relies on “can.”
Another issue emerges in tone among my points, another result of faulty parallelism. Some of my points call to action: “We should” or “We might.” Others are a definition: “Repentance is …”
(Did you see my parallelism error here? “Some of my points call.” “Others are a definition.” The verb forms differ. I should have written something like: “Others define.” Parallelism can be tough.)
My inconsistent style meant my purpose became muddled. Sometimes I seemed to ask my audience to do something and other times to just learn something. My draft speech failed without parallelism because the tone jumped.
Consistency through parallelism improves tone and clarifies purpose. Persuasion follows. Writing becomes service.
What did I do?
Action verbs alone would have solved my parallelism problem, but I wished to soften my tone too. I selected – feel free to disagree – “might” to organize my parallelism. So, I changed my points to be parallel. I started each point with “We might more” … and then I selected an adverb and an action verb. I know that adverbs comprise a yellow-flag word. But my wish was a softer tone. I do know the talk became better:
We might more fully understand the centrality of repentance to the gospel.
We might more diligently ponder the meaning of repentance.
We might more frequently use repentance for more things than we sometimes have done.
We might more gratefully acknowledge that repentance can bring forth other blessings besides remission of sin.
We might more carefully study repentance in the Book of Mormon for patterns that will help us repent.
We might more humbly learn that repentance is a doctrine of great joy.
If I were to write today, I would take this one step further, tightening the verbs only, like this, making it more of a call to action:
Understand the central purpose of repentance to the gospel.
Ponder the meaning of repentance.
Use repentance for more.
Acknowledge that repentance bring other blessings beyond remission of sin.
Study repentance in the Book of Mormon for humble patterns.
Learn repentance to find more joy.
A challenge in looking for parallelism comes from the lack of specific yellow-flag, individual words to seek. Any set of words can be parallel. I recommend you seek for items in a series and examine their underlying structure.
As you look, remember any type of writing can become more parallel, but here are some “yellow-flag” concepts that might help.
Flag 1: Avoid mixing gerunds with infinitives. A gerund is a verb acting as a noun that ends in “ing.” As in: “Talking is fun.” An infinitive is also a verb acting as a noun, but includes “to.” As in: “To talk is fun.”
For example:
I decided eating was fun and to run for public office.
To correct this, either make both gerunds or both infinitives.
I decided eating was fun and running for office was right.
or …
I decided to eat and to run for office.
Flag 2: Avoid mixing verb types. Sometimes, tone suggests you use to-be verbs or passive voice. When you do, stick with it through the point you wish to make.
For example:
I am a great student.
I am a fun roommate.
I love to cook food.
Correct that parallelism stumble this way:
I am a great student.
I am a fun roommate.
I am a talented chef.
or
I study hard.
I entertain my roommates.
I cook food well.
Several pairs of sentences follow. Each first sentence demonstrates incorrect parallelism. The sentence or sentences that follow correct the parallelism error after a description:
The man wrote with energy and creatively.
We have one preposition and one adverb. Make both the same.
The man cooked energetically and creatively.
… or …
The man cooked with energy and with creativity.
He painted with pastels, oils, and with acrylics.
We lack parallelism here because the first and the last have “with,” but the middle word in the series lacks it.
He painted with pastels, oils and acrylics.
… or …
He painted with pastels, with oils and with acrylics.
The physicist said the rocket needs to reduce velocity or have more lift.
We lack parallelism because we mix an infinitive with a have.
The physicist said the rocket needs to reduce velocity or to increase lift.
… or …
The physicist said the rocket needs less velocity or more lift.
On Tuesday, the writers completed their stories, the editors wrote their editorials and the photographers were taking their pictures.
We lack parallelism because we put two regular verbs with a “perfect” form of the verb — one with “ing.”
On Tuesday, the writers completed their stories, the editors wrote their editorials and the photographers took their pictures.
… or …
On Tuesday, the writers were completing their stories, the editors were writing their editorials and the photographers were taking their pictures.
(I prefere the first of these examples.)
The teacher worked by preparing the lesson plan, grading papers and exercise.
Here we mixed gerunds with regular nouns. Correct one of these ways:
The teacher worked by preparing the lesson plan, grading papers and exercising.
The teacher prepared the lesson plan, graded papers and exercised.
The teacher worked by preparing the lesson plan, by grading papers and by exercising.26
Let’s now imagine you worked for a company, Widgets International. Your colleagues ask you to clean up the new corporate mission statement. They add pressure, telling you the statement will decorate the lobby.
Here is what they gave you, after several weeks of discussion and focus group. Highlights exemplify yellow-flag words:
Widget International has prioritized the relationship it has with customers and workers and colleagues in providing value to those who work with us. The company makes as its goal to be working with all people in a spirit of diversity, openness and really working hard. The next value of our company is to provide what it promises to in a timely manner.
Our core values are part of this list:
Tradition and legacy
Service to others
Empathy
Making things that are good
Enjoying working with people
Tremendous opportunities for change and development
Innovation
You try to follow the principles you have learned in these three chapters. You look to parallelism and clear verbs. You propose:
Widgets International provides value to customers, employees, shareholders and all people. We prize diversity, openness and diligence. We succeed when we meet timely deadlines.
Our core values include:
Respect
Service
Empathy
Quality
Fun
Opportunity
Success
Change
Or …
Our core values mean:
We respect all.
We serve our customers.
We feel empathy for our community.
We strive for quality in all we do.
We enjoy work.
We provide opportunity.
We succeed.
We innovate.
Parallelism tightened this approach. It improved our understanding and clarity of what Widgets International represents. You smile each time you walk through the lobby…
You can do this.
Parallelism can help you serve because it clarifies your thinking and provides rhythm to your writing.
Before we conclude, let’s contrast a pair of documents.One a proposed press release for a company and the other a thank you note following an interview.
First, here is the proposed press release, with yellow flags marked:
UTOPIA, UPPER WESTPHALIA, March 7, 2046 /The Wire/ — Today, Widget Manufacturing is announcing the arrival of its revolutionary new scented oil warming device, Widget Scenter, which is offering eight times more fragrance control than any of its predecessors. The new Widget Scenter device is known for a total of five settings, which allows consumers to simply utilize the device to choose the amount of fragrance they desire, for a perfect scent experience, no matter the size of the home, or how big the room is.
“Fragrance is an incredibly personal experience, and now consumers can better control that experience based on the size of each room like never before,” said Trajan Aldeberan, Widget Manufacturing Marketing Director. “Regardless of size, from the coziest cottage to an expansive loft, having the ability to dial up or dial down the amount of fragrance is key to making any living space feel inviting and your own. Selecting from many settings now ensures each space can get the full-effect of the scent in wide and large spaces, and that the scent is not too overwhelming in smaller ones.”
The new oil warmer refills are going to feature Widget Scents, the first and only premium-range scents that deliver a multi-layered, true-to-life fragrance, and the plug-in scent packs in a range which can deliver on the classic fragrances, which consumers have come to know and love.
About Widget Manufacturing
WM, formerly known as Utopian Device Products, is the maker of Widget-branded products and is a world leader in household, health and personal care. It is a FTQZ Top 25 company and since 2000 net revenues have doubled and the market cap has quintupled. Today it is the global No 1 or No 2 in the majority of its fast-growing categories, driven by an exceptional rate of innovation – typically about 35 percent of net revenue comes from innovations launched in the prior 3 years. It has a strong portfolio led by 19 global power brands For more information visit WMUtopiaManufacturingwidgetair.co.27
Look at some of the improvements:
UTOPIA, UPPER WESTPHALIA, March 7, 2046 /The Wire/ — Widget Manufacturing announced today its new scented oil warming device, Widget Scenter
Widget Scenter offers eight times more fragrance control than any of its predecessors through five settings that allow consumers to control fragrance strength no matter the size of the home or room.
“People experience fragrance in different ways. Now, consumers can better control that experience for each room,” said Trajan Aldeberan, Widget Manufacturing Marketing Director. “Regardless of size, from the coziest cottage to the most expansive loft, the ability to change scent settings makes any living space inviting and personal. With five settings on Widget’s Scenter, each space experiences just the right amount of your chosen fragrance.
New oil warmer refills feature Widget Scents, the first and only premium-range scents in this market. The scents deliver a multi-layered, true-to-life fragrance. These plug-in scent packs range from classics like “Summer Breeze” to modern scents like “Winter Fire.”
About Widget Manufacturing
WM, once known as Utopian Device Products, makes Widget-branded products and leads the world with 19 brands in household, health and personal care. It sits among the FTQZ Top 25 companies. Revenues doubled and market-cap quintupled in 15 years. Widget Products rank first or second in 15 product categories. Widget Manufacturing innovates too. Three new products comprise more than 35 percent of current revenues. For more information, visit WMUtopiaManufacturingwidgetair.co.
Second, how about a thank you letter you might send to a potential employer, who interviewed you. Consider the specific contrasts in bold and italic. Note the stronger verbs and the more detailed specifics.
Dear Sir or Madam:
I was so thrilled to visit with you in the previous week to discuss the opening you had. The interview experience was tremendously valuable to me. I wanted you to know that. I was impressed most by the time you gave to teaching me about your training and learning programs.
It is important for you to know that I can be of impact on your organization from the first day I come into your work environment. I can provide assurance that you will be pleased and satisfied with your decision to hire me, should that be what you decide.
Regardless of your decision, however, I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed meeting with you and your team last week.
With warm thanks,
Delorean Fujiwara
Rexburg, IDAHO
Notice the focus on verbs to tighten this note. In so doing, the writer gets to the point and seems more confident and sure of himself. Getting little details more specific, such as names matters too:
Dear Mr. Jones:
Thank you for Tuesday’s interview. The experience thrilled me. The time you spent and the programs you explained impressed me.
I will build your business from my first day, should you select me. My background in nuclear engineering and my work ethic will satisfy you. So, I urge you select me.
I wished for you to know of my gratitude too.
With warm thanks,
Delorean Fujiwara
Rexburg, IDAHO
You have seen how these principles improve speaking, improve letters, improve jokes, advertisements and press releases.These principles work. In a world demanding better writing, you can help serve.
Finally, a few years before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln tried his hand at a common practice of his era – delivering a lecture. Speakers traveled around the region giving lectures about prominent topics. Citizens would listen to the lectures at a town square in the same way people today watch documentaries or TV shows. Lincoln, however, failed to gather much attention with his lecture on “discoveries and inventions.” His biographer said the speech fell flat. Yet Lincoln’s powerful thoughts on the greatest invention ever – writing – echo today:28
“But speech alone, valuable as it ever has been, and is, has not advanced the condition of the world much. This is abundantly evident when we look at the degraded condition of all those tribes of human creatures who have no considerable additional means of communicating thoughts. Writing — the art of communicating thoughts to the mind, through the eye — is the great invention of the world. Great in the astonishing range of analysis and combination which necessarily underlies the most crude and general conception of it — great, very great in enabling us to converse with the dead, the absent, and the unborn, at all distances of time and of space; and great, not only in its direct benefits, but greatest help, to all other inventions.”
Lincoln knew what he talked about. Over and over again, like Abigail Adams before him, Lincoln wrote with power. He made meaning of the awful suffering of war through words. He served with words of clear style and powerful skill.29
And so it is with us. Writing matters. Many studies suggest employers want people who can communicate through writing amidst a crisis of writing brought on by an education system’s failures. If anything, the importance of the written word grows, as organizations need more writing with technologies hardly imagined a generation ago.
So, work to master writing amidst our writing crisis. Write often. Think about and study writing. Read great writing in news and novels and websites.
Never forget: writing serves. Service with writing means you must move, persuade, and inform your audience. To do so, you must describe and write with clarity and style. These three principles, more than any others, will move you to your service goal.
I implore, therefore:
Write with specifics.
Write with action verbs.
Write with parallelism.
When you do, your success and your ability to serve will grow.
1 McCullough, David, John Adams, Simon and Schuster, 2002.
2 See http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/abigail_adams.html.
3 To be fair, my reading of history suggests Abigail Adams wasn’t much of a speller. She stumbled there. What remains is the clarity and power of her prose.
4 Graham, Steve, “Fixing our National Writing Crisis from the Foundation Up,” Aug. 25, 2014, The Huffington Post, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-graham/fixing-our-national-writi_b_5708625.html, Accessed March 7, 2016.
5 Tyre, Peg, “The Writing Revolution,” The Atlantic, October 2012, http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/10/the-writing-revolution/309090/, Accessed March 7. 2016.
6 “12 Troubling Signs there’s a Writing Crisis in America,” Bestcollegesonline.com, Nov. 4, 2012, http://www.bestcollegesonline.com/blog/2012/11/04/12-troubling-signs-theres-a-writing-crisis-in-america/, Accessed March 7, 2016.
7 Tyre, Peg, “The Author of ‘The Writing Revolution’ responds to the debate,” The Atlantic.com, Oct. 18, 2012, http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/10/the-author-of-the-writing-revolution-responds-to-the-debate/263799/, accessed March 7, 2012.
8 Tyre, “The Writing Revolution.”
9 Tyre, “The Author of ‘The Writing Revolution’ responds to the debate.”
10 “Employers want communication skills in new hires,” GMAT.com, http://www.mba.com/us/the-gmat-blog-hub/the-official-gmat-blog/2014/aug/employers-want-communication-skills-in-new-hires.aspx, accessed Feb. 15, 2016.
11 Holland, Kelley, “Why Johnny can’t write and why employers are mad,” CNBC.com, Nov. 11, 2013, http://www.cnbc.com/2013/11/08/why-johnny-cant-write-and-why-employers-are-mad.html, accessed Feb. 15, 2016.
12 Alma 37:6
13 Job 19:1-29
14 DeGregory, Lane, “The Girl in the Window,” The Tampa Bay Times, July 31, 2008, at http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/the-girl-in-the-window/750838, accessed April 6, 2016.
15 It might be important to say here that sentences that start with there, as in … There were 13 men who … should also be omitted and changed. These sentences all include a to-be verb, but looking for there at the beginning of a sentence can also help.
16 Lytton, Edward Bulwer, Paul Clifford, New York: Cassell Pub. Co. OCLC 19091989.
17 Strunk,William Jr., The Elements of Style, 3rd Edition, MacMillan, New York, 1979, 21. There is little argument that this book is the most influential about writing. Its principles have shapped this book too. Chapter 2 is especially meaningful.
18 Miller, Jana, “Waiting for Baby, One Couple’s Struggle with Infertility,” Kiplinger Program Report, 1996, 31. As for the Jack London quote. It is a reference to his famous short story, “To Build a Fire.”
19 King, Martin Luther Jr., “I have a Dream,” at https://www.archives.gov/press/exhibits/dream-speech.pdf, accessed April 7, 2016.
20 Strunk, Ibid.
21 2 Nephi 13:16-24.
22 2 Nephi 21:6-8
23 Lincoln’s Second Inaugral Address. See http://abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/inaug2.htm, accessed April 7, 2016.
24 Shakespeare, William, Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 2, at http://shakespeare.mit.edu/julius_caesar/full.html , accessed April 7, 2016.
25 Banaszynski, Jacqui, “Stories Matter,” in Telling True Stories, A Nonfiction Writer’s Guide from the Nieman Foundation at Harvard University, edited by Kramer, Mark, and Call, Wendy, Plume, New York, 2007, pp. 5-6.
26 This list was adapted from one put up by yourdictionary.com. To see originals, go to http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-parallelism.html, accessed April 7, 2016.
27 This press release is adapted from a press release found online at PRNewswire.com. “Air Wick® Launches Next Generation Oil Warmerwith More Scent Control for Home Fragrance Experience like Never Before,” Air Wick, March 7, 2016, accessed at www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/air-wick-launches-next-generation-oil-warmer-with-more-scent-control-for-home-fragrence-experience-like-never-before-300231389.html, accessed April 7, 2016.
28 Lincoln, Abraham, “Lectures on Inventions and Discoveries,” Abraham Lincoln online, at http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/discoveries.htm, accessed Feb. 22, 2016, see descriptive notes at the beginning of the text.
29 For a meaningful, detailed discussion of Lincoln’s use of words, please see, Wilson, Douglas L., Lincoln’s Sword: The Presidency and the Power of Words, Vintage, 2007 reprint.